Steps: 2,289,780
Miles: 961.15
Miles to Virginia: 64.85
Dear Diary: Today I received in the mail, the chrome-plated handheld attendance counter I ordered a few days ago. I am now ready to count Orange Coneheads.
Dear Diary: For the first time in weeks, I was eager to drive to work. Using my brand new handheld counter, I counted 54 Orange Coneheads.
Dear Diary: Counted 273 Orange Coneheads on the way to work today! It was slow at work, so I filled out an application for a government grant. I applied to count the number of Orange Coneheads in each of the American Film Institute's (AFI's) top 100 films. I took it to the post office (12 OCHAs on the way) and mailed it in.
Dear Diary: Only 134 Orange Coneheads on the way to work today. Today FedEx delivered a package from the government. My application was accepted! With a check for $1.2 million dollars in hand, I went to NetFlix's website and ordered the first 20 films.
Dear Diary: 209 Orange Coneheads today. The movies have arrived! I watched Citizen Kane and didn't see any OCHAs; the next movie was Casablanca - Ut oh, it's black and white, so its a loser; The Godfather (20 OCHAs); Gone with the Wind (0); Lawrence of Arabia (0); The Wizard of Oz (0). Bored, I stopped for the day.
Dear Diary: 129 OCHAs. The Graduate (15); On the Waterfront (34!). I had a talk with my therapist. He thinks I have a rare form of OCD called OCHA-OCD. He gave me some medicine.
Dear Diary: Today I woke up with blood-shot eyes and when I poured my Lucky Charms cereal into a bowl, instead of the "magical" shapes of blue moons, orange shooting stars, yellow pots of gold, pink hearts and green clovers, my bowl filled with orange coneheads. The therapist said to switch to GrapeNuts. Not feeling well, I stayed home today.
Dear Diary: Only 114 OCHAs, however a new construction site looks very promising! The government called and said additional grant money was available if I needed more staff to view the movies. When I told them I would think about it they said $3.2 million was available. I immediately told them I was done thinking about it. Today I hired 400 staffers to watch movies and count OCHAs with me.
Dear Diary: The new construction site I drive by on the way to work is a bust, they are using those icky crummy striped barrels. Watched five (5) more movies with the 400 new staffers. I can't figure out how the staffers are supposed to speed the process up. We ate a whole bunch of popcorn too.
Dear Diary: Today when I read my e-mail I saw this picture and the "King of the Hill" theme song burst explosively into my head.
Bill Dauterive, Hank Hill, and Dale Gribble (from left to right) standing on the side of the road in front of the guard rail slowly getting a buzz by drinking sour half-and-half.
My therapist told me to immediately double all my meds and to consider a short stay at the Norristown State (Mental) Hospital.
Photo Copyright 2008 roving photojournalist and secret agent LadyStyx
5 comments:
ooh look...a promotion to secret agent...that reminds me *goes off to unload her camera*
LOL...way to go, Styxie. I knew you could do it!
hmmm cone heads..they are all over here..everywhere you look! We are being invaded!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ut-oh. Another person has been infected. I got to make a list - I think Karla is about patient number 14 or 15.
Sends an application to the AFI OSCHA counter to be added to the staff of 400. Pass the popcorn, please. Oh, and some of the meds wouldn't hurt, either.
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