I'm sitting in my office today, getting high from paint primer fumes and listening to the ever-so-soothing sounds of asphalt cutting saws and jack hammers.
It's not really the jack hammers that trouble me.
It's all the orange cones.
They are sitting there in the middle of the street peering into my office window and they are all staring at me. Staring, never stopping with the staring...
And then the mental noise starts up and I hear Isyss singing a strange form of Unladylike...
Sneaky eyes don't fool me, you wink at me
Like you don't see me
Are you that bold to disrespect me
In front of my boss, cone are you crazy? (you crazy?)
Or a poem from my childhood explodes into my mind...
I sat there staring at window.
He was there again,
Like how he always was.
His white stripe eye glowing never taking them off mine,
My mother says I'm paranoid but I'm not! not!! I'm scared.
I dont sleep nor eat or drink,
all I do is stare at the window.
I even don't even go to school, my mum pulled me! pulled me!! but I can't leave.
That cone could do something while I would be gone!
I can't take that risk,
I have no time to make friends... noooooo...
One night the cone moved, I blinked,
it was closer, I blinked again,
it was five steps away from me...
I keep telling myself, I'm normal... I'm sane... I really, really am... why won't anyone believe me?!? It's the paint primer fumes affecting me... really!
The painters say they will take a couple weeks to finish the job.. My head buzzes from the fumes.. or is from the asphalt saw? Please tell me... help me...
I give in and open another window... and the jack hammers start up, whack-whack-whack craACK!!!
I have got to leave this place!! The painter needs more paint. Oh! A great excuse to leave!
Dare I?
Will the cones sneak closer while I'm gone??!
Maybe you recall my red-faced embarrassment when I went to the local Home Depot to buy some paint for the office while accidently wearing two caps.
I received much encouragement to go back and flirt with the young woman that prepared my paint. I made sure to check my head. It's hat free, cap free... I check again, and double check (pun intended).. I feel only the balding spot... yes, I'm sure, ever-so-sure there is no cap up there...
I think this brand new hat I got ought to make a favorable impression on her. Do you think so? Maybe she'll even agree to go out to dinner or to the movies with me. I'm really hoping so anyway. I was truly smitten...
I want to hear her laugh and see her smile and to run my fingers through her red hair, to peer deeply into her blue eyes...
With her arms around me, I think I want to [deleted to preserve this blog's already shaky PG rating]
Yes, I think this is the definitely the hat to wear! I'm going to be in like Flynn! [Sheesh, can't you find a more "hip" expression?]
Or maybe it's just some paint fumes talking...
21 comments:
Aww yay! Good luck, Iggy! Though I must say, if you want to impress the girl do NOT wear the gas below hat.
Gas hat and being high off fumes do not mix well :)
I think I would go nuts listening to jackhammers and smelling paint fumes all day. I get it bad enough hearing a feed grinder (that Terri operates) and smelling diesel exhaust sometimes. (i would keep a sharp eye on those OCHAs tho)
*hugs*
Can't wait to hear more of the Paint Girl Soap Opera!
If I lived near you I would totally put those cones on your front stoop in the middle of the night....
Ah, the joys of working from home or just being home - all the freakin time. You're there for the loss of electricity, water and construction noise.
No No......like I said before, go back in wearing both hats again. Then ask her if she remembers you. You both laugh, the ice is broken, and you take it from there.
oh I double dog dare you to wear that hat...
Good luck..she must of been really nice to make such an impression on you.
As far as the rest goes..get off the Nyquil!! LOL
go for it! I bet she would enjoy getting to know you more :)
those cones....you just never know what they are thinking or doing.....
but do be careful with those paint fumes
betty
I'd say I'd go nuts with that work and those paint fumes all day, but I think it's too late for that... I've been told I'm nuts for some time already. Perhaps if sane people go nuts with all that, crazy people might end up sane? Hmm...
Perhaps that's why those cones are watching you so closely? Perhaps you're part of an experiment to see what happens to... Erm... Those of us with a tendancy to view the world in a unique way? Of course, they couldn't tell you as much... Experiments like that are ruined if the subject knows for sure they're part of an experiment.
Anyway, good luck with the girl. I don't advise that you wear that hat though... Perhaps remain hatless? Or, if you really want a hat, just wear one cap... Just one should be enough though! ;)
*Hugs*
Totally unrelated to the point of your post.....I have one question for you... WHY did that church across the street from your office paint the steps THAT color blue? I've been trying to figure that out for weeks... and I might be nuts (and not from smelling paint fumes), but I thought when we first got back to town they were pink!
I think Matty is right... you should wear both caps again! Maybe we could make it a blogger meeting and we would all be there for moral support!
The woman at the paint store said, "No, she wasn't interested."
Sigh.
When you cry be sure to dry your eyes
'Cause better days are sure to come
And when you smile be sure to smile wide
Don't let them know that they have won
And when you walk, walk with pride
Don't show the hurt inside
Because the pain will soon be gone
And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big
When you laugh be sure to laugh out loud
'Cause it will carry all your cares away
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself
And it'll help you feel okay
And when you pray, pray for strength
To help you carry on
When the troubles come your way
And when you dream, dream big
As big as the ocean blue
'Cause when you dream it might come true
When you dream, dream big....
- Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband
(My thanks to Alice Kay for the lyrics)
Definitely her loss. And you don't know if you don't ask. Huggssssss
Now, about those cones... I'd be getting concerned there. They're everywhere!
What? She's not interested?
The paint fumes have definately gone to her head then. Because you rock.
Her loss, Iggy, her loss.
Just hold out for THE one!
And in the mean time, you may want to stay in a hotel, or at a friend's house to get away from the fumes and noise.
She must be crazy. It would be impossible for me to say no to you if you approached me wearing that hat.
The cones are definitely stalking you. You may want to consider a restraining order.
I dare you.
*laffin* Why not take it one step farther, Yaya, place the OCHAs on the doorstep and ring the bell and run? Hide out in the bushes with a camera to catch the expression on his face when he sees them all. The big question would be, which would be more frightened? Iggy at the site of all those OCHAs in such close proximity of his house.... or the OCHAs when iggy answers the door in his squirrel-skin mankini and SBSP t-shirt?
*ups Yellowdog's double dog dare to a triple*
.oO(now I know for SURE who stole my Nyquil)
Remember what Ranger said about those cones....
I was gonna suggest you still wear both hats and go in and ask her if you had left your hat there when last at the shop cos you couldnt find it anywhere :)_
HER BLOODY LOSS.... if only she knew you like we did..... she would snatch you up and never let you go.....
I actually LOVE the smell of paint, the noise would do me head in though :)
x
LOL! That hat would do it for me!!!
I agree with marmite toasty about she should have snatched you up Iggy, she needs to be bopped on the head big time like that commercial you could have had a v8 only she could have had an iggy!! I loved that poem also!! HUGS
Maybe she was attached? Never know? Well, at least you asked.
Between the paint fumes and the jack-hammering--I think you need a vacation! :) :)
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