The Verdict on Marmite

I've finally had some peace and quiet and a chance to truly sample the Marmite goodies that arrived at my door courtesy of a marvelous friend.

I first ate the Marmite-flavored breadsticks thinking to myself, what could possibly make a breadstick taste bad? ...and found that they were yummy with only the slightest hint of some exotic flavor.

Eyeing the rest of the goodies, I decided to try the Marmite-flavored Cheddar Cheese. I knew this was risky grounds as I like a "good cheese" and I am not terribly fond of those that are heavy in flavor. A timid nibble put my mind at ease, it was edible... I wasn't jumping up and down, gotta get me some more of this, crazy about it, but I enjoyed it's unique taste.

Building up even more courage, I then sampled the potato crisps which are potato chips in American-English but don't call them that in England! Some of the natives there get all worked up in a lather if you do. Ah! They were nice and salty, and with all the walking I do, I find I hanker for some salty food on occasion. These were even yummier than the breadsticks.

Thinking to cleanse my palate, I then sampled the organic dark chocolate, ginger, and pear flavored biscuits from Marks and Spencer's of which I had only one because of the sugar; Oh! How heavenly.... it was simply scrumtastic!

I opened the tube of Coleman's Mustard and first just tried a dab on my finger... There are so many kinds of mustard available - including French's Yellow, which are so humdrum... As a matter of fact, did you know that French's is currently owned by Reckitt Benckiser, a company best known for products such as Lysol and Musinex?

Anyway I digress, Coleman's is a "real" mustard. I immediately pronounced it suitable for application on Philadelphia's finest culinary treat, the soft pretzel, which I ate with great... umm... relish. Ugh! sorry about that...

Hmm... All that remained unsampled was the contents of the little brown jar of Marmite.

- Drum roll please -

The little brown jar, so clean, bright, and pure... never been opened or tried... sat there on my counter, so cheery and oh-so-alluring with it's yellow, red and white label. Gently, with soft warm fingers, I removed the clear cellophane that sealed the jar - it crinkled happily in my hand... and slowly I undid the bright yellow top, my anticipation growing by the moment. I lowered my face to the opening of the jar in order to give my nose access to it's scent... and my eyes watered, a loud alarm claxon sounded, and a blinding, flashing red warning light in my head went off!

Back off! Back off!!! Wowsers! This stuff is ever so pungent. I didn't even need to be in the same room to smell it.

The aroma caught my attention though. Completely transfixed, I savored it, inhaling it - letting my mind go... trying to associate what I was smelling with something in my memory - and then it came to me - it smelled like a pint (well, make it a couple gallons) of dark Guinness stout spilled into a rug and left to sit for several days.

Ah, a wonderful smell - it reminded me so much of the good times I had while in a college dorm, so many years ago, when the entry lobby and the halls would reek of stale beer long after a hard weekend's partying.

Trembling, with trepidation of trying something so fabled, and so new...I slowly dipped my pinkie finger into the jar and slid it across the surface of the thick brown substance - it had the consistency of slightly hardened molasses... or perhaps it it was more like some of the residue that an emptied pint of Guinness would leave in the glass after a week in the sun... be as it may, some stuck to my finger tip.

Closing my eyes, I raised my finger to my mouth and licked the my finger clean. Whoa! My eyes flew open as the intense flavor exploded in my mouth like a piece of red hot Cinnamon candy or unadulterated horseradish or even the red cocktail sauce you dip shrimp into -

Gagging, choking, wiping the tears from my eyes, I realized that Marmite was most likely an "acquired taste". I couldn't and still can't describe the flavor - but I knew I had to try some more - but not this way, not so hardcore and straight from the bottle. So I decided to try some on toast made from whole grain bread - but I had to go to the store and buy some - I wanted the hardiest, darkest bread I could get - I ended up with some - I don't remember what it was now - it didn't matter as I later found out - it couldn't be tasted with even with the slimmest of layers of Marmite on it.

Looking about, I found I had some old (not quite green) slices of ham in the backmost recesses of my refrigerator and decided well, if it has gone bad, it won't matter any, the Marmite will kill off any E. Coli or whatever... Braving the aroma of the jelly coated ham - I placed a slice on the heal from the loaf of dark bread and applied a layer of Marmite. Eyeing my open-face sandwich dubiously, I once more closed my eyes and raised it to my opened mouth - and took the plunge.

Ahhhhhhhh! Now that's more like it! I found myself enjoying the new taste - tangy, pungent, tongue numbing, and all.

Verdict: He LIKES it! He LIKES it! And I'm going to experiment some more with it.