Witness Protection Program

Recently, I have been stalked by a guy who seemed hell-bent on taking my picture, I've been calling him Major Chuck. He isn't the only one - there are two others, Bushytail and Nutkins. They are members of the Squirrel Paparazzi. I ran over one of them's foot - I don't know which one - they all look the same to me - when trying to drive to work today. This seems to have caused some trouble.



Major Chuck. I think he is like Colonel Sanders - that is, he isn't really a Major, but he likes to wear the silly hat. It fits him pretty well, I guess most other kinds of hats wouldn't sit right. He's been following me around constantly for days and days. He's even left acorn shells at my front door. So, like I said, I ran over some one's foot trying to back out of the driveway in order to go to work.

I get home from a long day's work, and this suit knocks on my door - saying he represents the photographer whom's foot I mashed. He tries shaking me down for special privileges saying, "I a-gotta an offer you a-cannot-a refuse. You give ol' Bushytail an a-exclusive pichure, an he will be a-dropping the charges. Otherwise, I'm gonna be a-taking you to the cleaners. I a-will come back a tomorrow to hear what you got to say, you capice?"



This guy was really puttin' a turn to the screws. So I called my lawyer and I told him what had gone down. My lawyer got me entered into a witness protection program. I got to testify against the suit when and if they ever catch him. So, I'm not Iggy anymore - you are supposed to call me Rocky. I can't put my finger on it, but there is something just not right about that name.

I got three security guys watching over me now. I don't feel real good about them - they seem to always be goofing off or playing with these strange light sabers saying weird things like "May the force be with you."



They forgot to bring any food with them, so I got hungry. I called them over and banged their heads together. I'll probably never be able to go home now, but:

Squirrel Stew

Ingredients:
1 squirrel, quartered
1 cup diced onion
2 large tomatoes (from your garden) or 1 can of tomatoes
Assorted fresh, or canned veggies

Preparation:

Sprinkle seasoned salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper (optional) liberally on the meat. Pour some cooking oil into a large pot (dutch oven). Sauté the meat with the onions until well browned. Drain the excess oil, add about 2 cups water, and bring to a boil. Cut up the tomatoes and add. If you use canned tomatoes add them now. Turn down the heat, and let slow cook for at least an hour.

Important: older squirrels may require cooking longer than an hour. Check periodically for tenderness. If you don't you will have a hard time chewing the meat.

After the meat is tender, add the veggies, carrots, potatoes, banana pepper, what ever you like. Cook until the veggies are done. An option you can use is, cook up your favorite pasta and serve over the pasta.