Project Nanny Noseprint

Yesterday, while waiting for it to get dark, I walked around the Hundred Acre Woods planning Project Nanny Noseprint. This ultra-top secret project would involve a covert walk around my neighborhood to actually look into people's windows to check out their TVs and what they were watching.

I realized I would need to change into dark clothing, stick to the shadows, and avoid the streetlight at the corners. I printed out a map of the 'hood' and charted those lights, and places where I knew dogs would bark when someone walked nearby.

It was going to be like traversing a mine field. Getting ready, I got the dark shoe polish out from under the bathroom sink and smeared it on my cheekbones. I turned the ringer off on my cell phone.

The only flaw in the planning was tonight the moon will be near full and there isn't a cloud in the sky. It was a risk I would have to take.


My neighbor is the first house to be surveilled. The floor plan of his house is similar to mine. Ugh, he's in the bathroom. Let's move on.


Ah, here we see a ballgame. The TV looks pretty nice, but nothing exciting. I can't make out who's playing.


Oh! This is probably the best TV on the block - it takes up a whole wall and points directly out into the street through a huge picture window! Hell's Kitchen is on! Let 'em have it Chef Ramsey! In 3-D surround sound!


Whoa! What's all that noise! Oh.. it's just NCIS. I better move along quickly, some dog is going crazy in there somewhere.


Ugh, what a stick in the mud. This neighbor's TV isn't on and his out in the backyard talking to someone on his porch. I think he is actually talking to his cat.


Judging from the music I hear, I'd say this neighbor is watching some porn.


Let's see here... what are they watching? Ack! Suddenly a bright flash of light nearly blinds me! I hear this old lady querulous voice shout, "Hiram! Turn the Rottweiller loose! There's a peeping yaya out there!" and then screen door slams!

Then I hear the most terrifying deep baying, "AHWOOF! WOOF!"

Oh my god! Run! Run! Huff huff huff...I whisper hoarsely, "Aaron is that you?"

"Wo..eeerrrwoof?"

"Oh Aaron! You scared the bejeebers out of me! Ugh, no Aaron! Aaron! I don't need my face washed! Stop that! Here, have a nice milkbone with some peanut butter on it! And dang it Aaron! You slobbered all over my camera lens. Go home and tell Hiram you were brave and chased off the peeping yaya, Ok? It's time for me to head home."


Oh Geeze, my neighbor is still in there!

A word from the wise:

1) Turn off the automatic flash on your camera before starting out on your mission.
2) Be familiar with all applicable 'Peeping Yaya' laws for your neighborhood.
3) Know the names of all the dogs in your neighborhood and carry a doggy treat within easy reach.