Sunday, November 30, 2008

OCHA Man - Wanted Dead or Alive

The following is a police artist sketch of the OCHA's that impersonated Iggy.

There is a reward for information leading to the capture of this heinous villain. Do not attempt to approach or apprehend him - he should be considered orange and dangerous.

a stick figure man made from ochas

He was last seen outside a bar in downtown Norristown singing the OCHA version of YMCA. You know...

Young cone, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young cone, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young cone, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Young cone, there's a place you can go.
I said, young cone, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to stay with an o-c-h-a.
It's fun to stay with an o-c-h-a.

They have everything for you cones to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the toys...

It's fun to stay with an o-c-h-a.
It's fun to stay with an o-c-h-a.

You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good deal,
You can do whatever you feel...

...

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Da Wife O Reilly Gave Me a D!

The Wife O Riley played the List of Favorite Things Starting With the Letter...that she got from her friend Heather who played this game that she got from Sunshine and Lemonade. She gives you a letter and you post 10 of your favorite things beginning with that letter.

Having read a few, I decided I wanted to play too!

I could cheat and say things like Da Walking and Da Wonders of Nature and Da Nice Things in Life...but I won't, mostly because I won't have to!

Doctor Demento!

1) Doctor Demento!

Dr. Demento is the stage name of Barret Eugene Hansen, a radio disc jockey specializing in novelty songs and pop music parodies. During my college years, my roommates and I would all get a huge howl out of his weekly broadcast.

Classics like: "Dead Puppies", "Another One Rides The Bus", "Fish Heads", "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park", "I Had Sex With E.T." and of course, the "Masochism Tango".

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else,
As we dance to the masochism tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say its me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the masochism tango...

Umm...Where was I, oh yes...

Duncan Hines cake mix

2) Duncan Hines

When I was kid, cake mixes where relatively new creations and my Grandfather and my Uncle Jim used to sit at the dinner table and go on and on about which was better, Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker.

My Aunt Mary and Grandmother would strive to outdo the other with their mastery of baking cakes from a box. I loved the cakes but even more so, I loved the good times with my family after a marvelous dinner followed by a cake with what seemed to be inches upon inches of icing on it.

I can still see my Grandfather smacking his lips when he said, "Oh! Duncan Hines is the best!" followed by my Uncle Jim teasingly baiting him by replying, "Oh, Bud...How can you say that?! You know Betty Crocker is far better!"

Oscar Meyer Weiner mobile!

3) Dachshunds and All Things Doggy

Okay, call me juvenile, but every time I see a Dachshund I just have to laugh - and for some odd reason, the Oscar Myer Wiener Mobile flashes into my head followed by the "I wish I was an Oscar Myer Wiener..." song.

The shrink had a field day when I told him about this...but the pharmacist had an even better day.

two dented OCHAs

4) Dinged up Orange Conehead Aliens

It is my secret-most, inner-most, most longed for desire to open up a health care clinic for OCHAs where I could tend their bruises, mend their ragged reflector stripes, and fluff their soft pillows to make sure they were comfortable.



5) Disney World and Disney Land

While I can never keep them straight beyond knowing one is in Anaheim and the other in Floor-dah, I love Dem both. The very act of walking through the turnstyles and entering the park takes over thirty years off of me in a magical instant. I'm just a big kid. :)



6) Dame Judy Dench

The new "M" in the latest James Bond movies; this sexy older woman is an incredible actress. I especially enjoy her in the British TV comedy "As Time Goes By".

a cut away drawing showing the inside parts of a washing machine

7) Demonstrations

No, I do not mean protesting mobs, peace and Million Man marches...

From cooking demonstration on how to slice cucumbers to how to change the oil in my car, I love seeing how things are done.

8) Ducks - Specifically, White-Chin Strap Ducks...

Some of you may recall my writing about my mother's friend from Holland and her difficult time with English. To this day, I cannot walk past a Canadian Goose without being reminded of this wonderful, warm, dutch woman named Enicka.

a brilliant yellow daffodil

9) Daffodils and Dandelions

Like the arrival of Red-breasted Robins; the sprouting and flowering of Daffodils, Narcissus, or Jonquils are a sure sign of Spring! They along with the sweet, badly misunderstood Dandelion bring color back into the world and announce the promise of a new (and warmer) season.

friends

10) Dear and Delightful...friends

Last by not least...for as wonderful as all the previous things are, you, my friends are the best of all.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Crime Scene - Do Not Cross

Today when I got home from my walk, this is the scene that greeted me from the site of the Battle of Bumper Hill.

my clothes strewn across my front lawn including underwear, shoes, socks, shirt, pants, winter jacket and belt

Suspecting foul play, and fearful someone had hurt Iggy, I called 911. Here is how it went:

Me: Help! It looks like someone either kidnapped or worse! Killed Iggy!

911 Operator: Please calm down Sir. Where are you and what it the current situation?

Me: I'm at Bumper Hill...in front of Iggy's house! He's clothes are strewn all over the yard! I hope he's OK!!

911: An response team is on the way Sir. What is your name?

Me: My name is Iggy!

911 (pregnant pause): ...and you say Iggy...is missing?

Me (suddenly realizing I'm me...): Umm...Oh...you are so right!! Umm...Let's blame the drugs...

911: So you are on drugs, Sir?

Me (a trifle addled): Yeah...hard to get prescription drugs...wow, this stuff makes me feel groooooooovey!

911: The drug team will be there shortly. Don't go anywhere.

The first Policeman that got there walked around the crime scene brushing the donut crumbs from his beard and says, "WTF! Looks like a bunch of OCHA footprints here, I better call the forensic squad."

Me: Whistling Trackfoots? You think????! Why would they leave OCHA prints? I'm so confused...I really wish I hadn't taken these drugs...

The detective in charge comes up and says, "Oh my, looks like some OCHAs were impersonating someone again...I wonder what they were up to? I'll call Interpol."

Drug Squad Dude: Iggy, you idiot...lay off the percocets will you? Good thing you have a legitimate prescription or I'd be taking you in!

Thanks to Interpol's CSI consultant Tori Z, this whodunit was swiftly figured out. No, it wasn't Colonel Mustard, Mrs. Peacock, or Miss Scarlet - the answer lies here.

And now I got to think up something in the way of an explanation to tell the neighbors who came home just in time to see me taking pictures of my clothes in my front lawn...and they probably hope I don't take anymore pills.

Please? Cheese! Thanks Louise!!

Well, after over a year of trying and ending up a criminal, I can finally cross off taking a picture of a wild Charlie from my bucket list - except of course, my bucket will be an Orange Round Bucket Alien we all know as an ORBA. I'm so happy! I think Charlie was getting in the holiday mood and decided to be be nice and pose for me.

a smallish grey squirrel eating a nut on a fallen log

What happens when you eat a whole lot of nuts?

a fat squirrel in the same pose eating a nut

You get sort of chunky!

two squirrels playing tag on a vine

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever hope to get a picture of two squirrels at once!

zoomed in, the grey squirrel has a brownish colored face and dark eyes

A "tall, dark and handsome" Charlie. Should we arrange for him to meet Sugar Bush? I bet she'd like this piece of eye candy!