My mom was a Montessori nursery school director and teacher for many years. She has several Master's Degrees and is probably one of only a small handful of "real and actual" Maria Montessori Method experts in this county.
She knew offhand the "what became of them" stories of a couple of her former pupils - One is a massage therapist in San Diego, California (who'd of thunk it?) and another is a lawyer working in the Philadelphia District Attorney's office (eew!) My thinking was, let's try to get forward thinking and off the "ancestors" for a little bit.
She smiled for the first time in a while. I asked her to make a list of those she remembered best. I plan to "track 'em down" and find out what they are up to these days. Perhaps some of them will want to re-connect with my mom and give her a "hello."
Over lunch, I gained some insight on her. My mom married young (her 55th wedding anniversary is comping up this June) and moved from Boston to Philadelphia - and soon had her hands full with three little boys. I discovered she lost touch with her various aunts and uncles when she did this... she in essence "traded" her family for my dad's "contentious, argumentative" lot. Her family (and roots) dropped away as she tried to fit in with (and make peace among) my dad's family.
My dad's family was a small one - he was an only child. Those family members that were "around" were put off by my grandfather - the heart of the issue was the "family business" and arguments over how it should be run. Further exasperating the "splits" was my grandfather's opinionated (read: bigoted) ideas on "the proper place for a woman" and the mark of a successful (proper) man being a "captain of industry" and most definitely not in Government or Military service.
As this photo shows - many of my grandfather's uncles and cousins where in the Navy (remember Commodore Franklin?) and therefore in my grandfather's eyes, they were all "worthless bums."
This is my dad - he is about 3 years old with Phil Hallworth and an unknown (likely a family member) companion. Philip Lewis Hallworth was a neighbor and worked in the engine room on the ships he served on while in the Navy. He eventually went deaf from the noise and died at a very young age of 44 from cancer. He is buried in Beverly National Cemetery in Beverly, Burlington County, New Jersey. He was my honorary "Aunt Bea's" first husband.
I need to write another entry sometime - showing another side of my grandfather - one that took in a young girl whose mother could not take care of her - just because she was family and it was "the right thing to do."
At any rate, I babble on... I wanted to thank you all for your thoughts. They were most helpful and most appreciated - as are each of you.
22 comments:
I love that you care about your Mother like this, and are helping her beat her blues!! I'm sure she helped a great many people and isn't even aware of it! Hugs!
Your dad was a cutie patoonie! :)
OH, and I think you had an excellent idea, getting away from the ancestors bit for a while. I didn't think of that before, but that was probably exactly what she needed!
You are one smart cookie. I'm hoping a few of your mom's former students want to reconnect. I know I would!
Your grandfather sounds like many other men of his generation - "bigoted" and yet kindhearted. He passed the kindhearted part down to you.
your a good son
Glad lunch went well Iggy and you found a new direction to take with your mom in perhaps finding more about her past and her achievements. I wonder if she ever regretted giving up her family so to speak to try to bring peace to your dad's family. Family dynamics, so very interesting! Brilliant idea too to try to find some of her former students! Best of luck with that!!!
betty
That was a really perceptive tack to take in the introspection process, Iggy! And with your search prowess, here's hoping you locate some former students willing to reach back and re-connect.
Now that you've mentioned your mom's background and education, I think I may be relating to her predicament more. My mom was highly educated, too. While she could cook, help with laundry, etc., etc., that just didn't fill the bill for making her feel "useful" like some of the things would that interested her vastly more than that! I wonder if there is any way your mom could write about her experiences, share them on blogs, or even online forums (if there are circles for Montessori teachers or trainers).
Your insight into her early married life sheds some light also. I don't know if I'm projecting my own experiences upon hers, but I get the feeling of the "invisible woman" role in her early adult life--not an easy one to go through, but one that does shape one's outlook on life and self. Stepping back out of that mold is sometimes difficult--especially when you don't wake up to the fact that you'd like to step out until such a late point in life. And yet, maybe asking leading questions that could give her the courage to step out and find a new way to feel "useful" given her background and interests, would be just the gift she'd need.
So glad you sensed the need to take that different direction. I'm sure that was an energizing lunch meeting for both of you!
Way to go a calm lunch is always a good start! I am sure it must have made her feel good to have you all to herself..you know since you have only brothers..I bet sometimes she feels like a ship out of water amongst all that boy talk:)
I'm glad you had a nice lunch with your mom. If anyone can track down some of her former pupils, you can.
And maybe reconnecting with her own family will help her find a new old direction so she has her own connections to her life, beyond your dad and her three wonderful sons.
Your mother sounds like a wonderful person. I can read the pride you have for her and her accomplishments in your writing.
Families can sometimes be harsh with one another. Working with family in a family business can be very difficult. I know that first hand. I've worked with my family for the past 37 years. You would think working with your family would make it "easier", but in most cases, it doesn't. Lots of hard feelings crop up from time to time.
I would love to read about the other side of your grandfather sometime...when you get the chance to write that story. Compassion...it's in your blood.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
I completely understand yours and your mothers predicament! My mother went through a similar process when she had her stroke. Her biggest grievance, I think, was her now inability to drive...thus making her dependant completely on others. It made her feel helpless, she hated it.
:)
My mother too was a teacher! There were many of her past students that came to her funeral. It's amazing how there are some teachers that really touch and change peoples lives. I know my mom was one of those and it sounds as if yours is as well!
Hugs to you (and your mom!)and thanks for sharing. It's really quite touching.
:)
I'm glad you were able to have a nice lunch with her and help her think of things that made her smile. :)
Sounds like you found a way to put a smile on her face. You are so good at tracking down information on people (The FBI, CIA need you!) that I'm sure you'll find some former students for her to think about.
As I've said in the past, my mother did all that geneology stuff too and shared that with us. What we learned, after she passed away, was how much about herself she didn't share. We found all kinds of photos of her as a teen and young woman we knew nothing about. It's kind of a two edged sword about wanting to have her think ahead and to not lose her past too.
I'm sure you'll figure out a way to do both.
What a wonderful idea to try to track down some of her students. You are so good at that, too. I'm glad you two had a nice relaxing lunch. Does your mom have any hobbies? Just curious. She sounds like she needs to try something new. Bless you both! :)
Your mother sounds like an amazing lady! And what a good son you are to think up these inventive ways to make her feel better. Hearing from her past students sounds like a perfect way to lift her spirits.
I'm wishing you all the luck in tracking down a few folks for your Mom!!!
I hope you all are well!!
Sending hugs in your direction to let you know I'm thinking about you. *hugs*
Just stopping by:)
Just popping in to see if I'd somehow missed a post....nope...
Hugs and I hope you are just "good busy", and not anything bad!!! More hugs! (just in case!)
Also popping in to say hello! Hope everything's well on your end and that you're enjoying this first day of summer :)
tee hee... remind her what a wonderful son she raised.
PHAMILY, a real blessing and sometime a real pain! Your mom sounds like a marvelous lady. You are so blessed to have lunch with her.
Your mom raised up a wonderful son and it sounds like you love your family soooo much! I like your stories. Keep telling them! Please.
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