Whoever Would Have Thought?

Today was my Step-Grandmother's funeral and while I am emotionally tired and the funeral had grieving people, most of the service was an informal, get up and talk about what remember best... and I know I exasperated my Step-Grandmother - I enjoyed teasing her just to watch her facial expressions and to hear her laugh.

You may remember the time I wrote about how she wanted a "nice picture of me" and I gave her this - Where's Iggy?

One autumn, I found an old hand-drawn property map (plat) of Quakertown, PA, the town my step-grandmother lived in that was drawn in the early 1800's. The town had very few streets then, and the three dozen or so properties on the map included her log cabin home. I spent every dollar I had and bought immediately. I remember eagerly taking the map to her and her being quite excited and delighted by it.

She sighed and said, "This would be tremendous if it was framed! I'd hang in here in my dining room" next to the framed original deed for the property that she had handing near the doorway.

I was just out of school, and the map was rather large and I couldn't afford a frame that size, so I left the map with her and thought about things.

One thing I've learned in my time on this planet is that, some times 'things just happen' and it wasn't long afterwards I stumbled into the perfect frame at a garage sale - It was just the right size and had ho-hum country fox hunt type of print in it. I remember that I bought it for about $5. I took the country fox hunt painting out and ... the little guy with the pointy ears and red suit whispered to me - and I smiled and then chuckled to myself. I went to the store to complete my arrangements and then wrapped the "revised painting" up in Christmas paper.

That Christmas, we gathered around the tree and the youngest started unwrapping their presents. I spoke to my step-grandmother, who was eyeing the large rectangular package I had for her (and my grandfather) saying, "You can probably guess what your present is."

She replied something to the effect, "well, I've been waiting a long time for a 'nice picture of you' but I don't think we have a place for one that large!"

She looked rather concerned actually. I then told her, "You know, the absolute finest art in the world, more than any other, is painted on black velvet." She smirked at me and looked doubly alarmed. "Furthermore," I continued, "You know the most desired art, worth millions of dollars, are paintings of Elvis on black velvet."

She gasped quite audibly, and said, "You didn't! Did... you?"

I then said, "Elvis is still alive you know, in that mall in Minnesota, probably working at a record store. I understand he is quite envious of Micheal Jackson." She looked quite baffled at that, so I continued, "Elvis is doing the reverse of MJ, for every shade lighter MJ gets, Elvis gets a shade darker. So for your present this year, I decided I, personally, would paint an original painting, just for you. Please, unwrap it."

With trembling fingers, unsure of just what to expect, she pulled the wrapping paper off .... my 'masterpiece'. I titled it, "A Black Elvis on Black Velvet".


She laughed and laughed and then laughed some more. In the back of the "painting" I had put a card saying this frame was for the map of Quakertown and I would see that the map was properly mounted in the frame.

To this day, the map hangs in the dining room of the log cabin house where it was seen by the fifty or so people that went there for a bit to eat and some small comforting talk after the funeral.

After a bit of munching and reminiscing, my step-grandmother's daughter, crooked her finger indicating to me to "come here". She opened the drawer of the china cabinet and inside, carefully folded into quarters, was the black construction paper that I had mounted in the frame... all those Christmases ago.