Red Bird and Red Berries

Since March 28 of this year I've been on the lookout for a Cardinal. Not just any Cardinal, but a bright red one in the wilds of Valley Forge National Historical Park.

I wasn't actually trying to get a picture of one, I just wanted to see one that wasn't just a flash of feathers flying by. it took me seven months, which is far less time than it took me, err...I mean the Iggy Impersonator...to get a good Charlie picture.



I apologize for the great length of this entry...I find what I am trying to say complicated and difficult and the words I have to use very cumbersome.

On Saturday, I woke up and dragged myself to the local train station and decided that if I was going to walk, I should take the train to another station down the tracks a ways and thereby forcing myself to walk the whole way back. I ended up walking nine miles that day as I worked through a number things in my head.

The matter most pressing was determining what I thought about something - and how I would respond...I'm not religious in a church-attending sense, but rather feel I should try to live the way I believe. The trouble with this is there are some gaping holes in my "what do I believe" system, and at times I have to stop and think and piece together a rational framework; a framework in which some is temporary and may need tearing apart and rebuilding at a later time and others parts that are time-tested foundation beams.

I have spent nearly my entire life questioning my role and my reason for being. I've explored a great many religions seeking; looking for an answer that would satisfy me - on a deeply personal and spiritual level. And even now, at middle age, I am still seeking. What I have found is, that for each of us, the answers are as varied and numerous as there are people - but each answer is equally valid.

And I try very hard to be tolerant - the root of the tolerance stems from coming to grasp with the humbling "I do not know - and I may not ever know or understand the whole" - I do not know how the world began, nor why it exists nor why things are the way they are. At times, this "not knowing" overwhelms me - and at other times it brings a deep and very warm awe to my inner being.

The unknowable - is mysterious and breath-taking. The ebb and flow of the tide, the changing phases of the moon, the regular pulse of the seasons, even the 17-year cycle of the cicadas, while the mechanics can be explained - their timeless beauty and unknown purpose can leave me slack-jawed in wonder.

I have also found that "[e]very religion emphasizes human improvement, love, respect for others, sharing other people's suffering. On these lines every religion had more or less the same viewpoint and the same goal." - The Dalai Lama

Religious groups differ greatly in their concepts of deity, other beliefs and practices. But there is near unanimity of opinion among almost all religions, ethical systems and philosophies that each person should treat others in a decent manner. Almost all of these groups have passages in their holy texts, or writings of their leaders, which promote this Ethic of Reciprocity.

The most commonly known is the Golden Rule. It is often expressed as "Do onto others as you would wish them do onto you." It is my opinion that one of the failures of organized religion is its inability to convince their followers that the Ethic of Reciprocity applies to all humans, not merely to fellow believers.

And I had lost sight of this - "Do onto others as you would wish them do onto you." It is my opinion that this rule is so over-arching it can be applied to just about any human situation.

Someone, who is very ill and begging for help - lied to me and a lot of others and in doing so, caused a lot of hurt - for me, the others, and as they will find out, for themselves. Unable to sustain or live with that lie led them to finally apologize for their deception and they asked for forgiveness. And therein were a couple problems -

Forgiveness is defined as the process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

But what of the loss of trust? Can one truly forgive someone without first regaining that trust? Or is forgiveness - ceasing to feel the loss of that trust? I knew not how I wanted to address this conundrum and it took a few miles of pondering to come to grips with...what might be viewed as an issue of semantics.

Trust is both an emotional and logical act. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature. We feel trust. Those emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, and comfort.

The degree to which someone trusts another is a measure of belief in the honesty, benevolence and competence of the other person.

A failure in trust may be forgiven more easily if it is interpreted as a failure of competence rather than a lack of benevolence or honesty. That is, "forgive me, it was an accident" is easier done than "forgive me, I knowingly hurt you."

In the end, I decided that I could not quickly or simply forgive, but I could and would try to work towards the day when I can...and for all that, I decided that forgiveness wasn't necessary as a condition to continue to apply the golden rule the best I can. I know I will fail to do this and fail far more times than I wish; it's the very nature of being a (very) flawed human. I can and will continue to care and will hope that this troubled person overcomes their illness and finds their way to a better place.

The holiday season may be the only time for many to express their thanks to their "God" and to each other - as limiting as that might be - I found myself standing in the cold, tired from the walking and by myself, thinking that despite the shortness of the season, it was definitely a time for cheer and to relish in reaffirmation of one's fellow persons. In doing so, I felt the soul-warming blanket of that cheer and that love and affirmation of my family, and you my friends, wrap around me and for that, I am eternally thankful. May the blessings of the season be with all of you - throughout the year.