The Trouble With Jane

Not too long ago, I wrote of a customer that keeps his company's server as well as other computers in the ladies room (here). While I know its not a good idea to label projects and jobs in any way that would offend the customer should one's tongue slip, this job has become known as "the ladies room job".

In fact, the job is entered into the time-tracking/billing database that way. It has become a steady 2-3 day a month one, but it has never become a routine one.

Take the trouble with Jane for instance.

A couple days ago, I got a call from Chris at "the ladies room job" telling me that Jane was having problems. So not knowing what to expect, I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders, packed my service kit and grabbed a handful of manuals I lend to users, with such flattering titles as "Windows XP for Dummies" and drove off.

As I drove the 60 miles, it occurred to me that I've never met Jane. I began to wonder if she was someone new - and maybe she's nice and single and ... well, my mind went down a few roads while the car went down some other ones.

Eventually, somewhat weary from battling traffic, I arrive in the company's parking lot and walk up to the receptionist and ask for "Jane."

The pretty receptionist looks at me with puzzled eyes and says, "Who?"

"Jane," I repeat more slowly, taking great care to enunciate clearly.

"There is no Jane here." She replied. "Can someone else help you?"

Thinking I misheard the name, I say, "Well, maybe Chris said Wayne..."

Nope, no Wayne's here either..

So I ask for Chris, the person that called me, and she gets on the phone and the person she talks to says they aren't expecting anyone. The receptionist, who by now is starting to reach for the panic button to summon the security guard, tells me, "You must be at the wrong place."

I clumsily, because my hands are full of computer stuff, pull my cellphone out of my pocket and call Chris. They calmly say they will call the receptionist and tell her where to send me. The phone rings on the desk and the receptionist picks it up and says, "Oh! It's the other Chris!" and starts giggling. She looks up to me and says, "You want to see Bob, he's in Building Three in a cube near the restrooms."

Being intimately knowledgeable of the Building Three's restrooms... or at least the ladies room, I know exactly where Bob sits. "Jane?" I ponder as I walk down the corridor...

I find Bob and say somewhat questioningly, "I understand Jane is having troubles?" Bob looks up to me and replies, "Yes, she certainly seems to be," while he rolls back away from his desk on his chair and looks at me expectantly.

I looked vacantly around, and feeling really foolish and stupid, ask, "So where is the lady having the troubles?"

Bob looks at me and points to the floor under his desk and to an area I cannot see from my side of it. "Dear God what have I gotten myself into?" I inadvertently exclaim while my jaw drops on its own volition.

Bob suddenly realizes that I think Jane is a human being "lady" (and of questionable repute) and starts laughing at me.

"No, no, no! Jane the Computer!"

Red in the face, I say, with great wit and complete tact, "Oh."

While I work, I ask Bob a few questions about "Jane". It turns out, in the early days of the company, the computers where named for the person that they were bought for. Jane, the person, no longer worked there and as a matter of fact, I learned after asking around, no one even remembered who she was...

It was with great sadness, I had to tell the "other" Chris that "Jane" had passed away. Without blinking an eye, she replied, "Oh well, we will just have to buy a new Jane, although I guess this one will be a Bob."


Alas! Jane the Computer, we hardly knew ye... and Jane the Lady, we knew ye not at all.