Sadness - Acceptance

I recently got an e-mail from a talented, dear person that I admire who has recently lost her father to cancer and her 103+ year old grandmother nearly at the same time.

I had no real words of comfort for her. I still have no real words of comfort for her.

Another friend finds the occasion of her father's birthday to be painful even after nearly 20 years of his passing.

I had no real words of comfort for her either...Someone commented on her entry and said this:

"The relentless forward march of time produces many events in our lives, both fair and unfair. These events in turn, merge into a bittersweet mosaic called “memories,” Those memories never diminish or get easier to bear. We merely condition ourselves.

It’s called acceptance."

And while I found myself nodding in agreement...I thought there has to be something more.

My nephew's recent graduation was the source of some distress - or rather a slide show composed of many pictures showing him growing from a wee baby to the grown adult he now is, was...because in those many pictures were very few me and him - or my parents and him...

Granted my older brother doesn't live around the corner - but the 360 miles that separate us are nothing - to a family as nomadic as mine - I know I'm rarely home on weekends - and my parents, well, they could be anywhere in the country on any given weekend... they just weren't in upstate New York very often, or at least not for photo opportunities.

There was and is more than mere miles that separated us - it's things said that can't be unsaid - hurt feelings that a simple apology can't heal... petty dislikes, personality quirks, and just plain impatience with each other's perceived shortcomings, foibles and eccentricities.

My point is this - letting this get in the way of family and friends...of shared times together has led to some internal grief and self-remonstrations, that could have been avoided.

I know others that suffer from family squabbles and worse. Much of the bad temper is caused by the pettiest of things. Yes, we all have a right to our opinions and yes, there is (supposedly) freedom of speech in this country, but...sometimes keeping one's mouth shut can demonstrate character. A type of character once held by any "gentleman" worthy of the title. A gentler, kinder world would be a much nicer one. A little more "compromise" and a little more "meeting half way" would have changed how things unfurled over the past 16-18-20 years.

Unfortunately, some mouths weren't kept shut. And sometimes people took on things that were "none of their business". My brother's families were (and are) theirs to raise - negative and/or snide comments about how they are managing this difficult "untaught" task were and are not appreciated, even if there was a voice of hard-learned experience behind them and even if they were "told you so, right".

And so, I went digging, putting my nose where I didn't, and don't, think it belongs, to find a picture...where my parents were together with the graduating nephew.


..and found one. My sister-in-law took this photograph of my parents, her family, and the neighbors (with the requisite dogs) down at the seashore. The old woman in the center suffered from bad health and the day of this photo, she had one of very rare "good days" as she is standing up in front of her daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren. She died the following winter.

No, I don't think events form a "bittersweet mosaic called 'memories'," they form extended and fantastically complicated, interconnected mosaics - with some of mine in yours - and some of yours in mine - and with parts neither of us can see...

I ought to see that the neighbor's daughter gets a copy of this photo.

And I ought to tell some family that - what is past is past - we need to focus on the future - and try to make it less bitter and more sweet.

A Weekend in Rochester, NY

Just a short entry today - I'm a little busy at work (thank heavens for that!) and very busy trying to catch up with everyone else as well as write cards in the spare minutes...

This past weekend was my youngest nephew's High School graduation ceremony.


Here he grins for me after I told him I was impressed with his diploma and that I thought it was nice to get a piece a paper for basically continuing to breath for 17 years. I told him college might be a little more "challenging".


He's got a good life - he can bowl 300 games, hit holes in one on the golf course, been accepted into Rochester Institute of Technology and has a fabulous girl friend that graduated in the same class as he did. Look at that smile on her! Her heart is just as big.


After eating celebratory cake and ice cream and having a picnic with burgers and hot dogs - it was time to get out and walk some. My brother lives near the Lehigh Valley Railroad Black Diamond trail, a 12-mile railroad bed that has been turned into a bike-walk trail that meanders through the farms and woods. I have a hard time walking across bridges - vertigo - bridgephobia - whatever you want to call it, bothers me mightily. Fortunately this bridge was at the very end of our walk, so my older brother and his dog walked over it and back - just to be able to say they walked the whole way.

It's a beautiful trail - click here to see some pictures others have taken.

Do you see him coming?

The dog takes the lead! I think she spotted me! Her name is Keilau (after my brother and his wife, Keith and Laurie).


Coming closer and closer!


Hey!! Who's that!!?!

I think this is my favorite picture from the entire weekend. I really enjoyed getting out and walking - and to make it even more exciting, we saw some animals!

As in snakes... four-five foot long black snakes... Chipmunks, squirrels (sorry Charlie, no photos), frogs...

...and a baby deer... just a few days old! A spotted fawn that was mostly stilt-like legs! I would have taken a picture of him/her but I had the dog, Keilau and her leash in hand - and she was going coo-coo for cocoa puffs as the little fawn wobbled off!

Phorgotton Old Fotos

Being from Filadelfia, I'm supposed to use the "ph" combination where the rest of the English speaking world uses the "f" letter. It seems to me that I ought to use the "f" letter where the rest of the world uses the "ph" combination.

Anywhoooooo...

Hidden away in a small cardboard box that was given to me recently by my step-aunt after she found it in my grandfather's cellar (the place where the ghost lives on a lumpy dirt floor) were more pictures. I estimate I now have about 300 "phorgotten old fotos" to sort through - some crumbling away as I lift them from the equally crumbly cardboard box.

As an aside, my step-aunt is now the proud owner of the oldest log house in Quakertown, PA. Let's hope the ghost(s) are good to her and her husband.

It seems fitting that as this is the month of June, the wed-ding-est month of the year, that we should look at some wedding pictures. I'm sure Far Side of Fifty thinks so... :)

So here is one - this is a large photograph. It measures about 8 1/2 by 9 3/4. One of the most interesting (to me) parts is the reversed lettering on the edge of print. I have no idea who the happy couple are - and I'm not positive - but I think my grandparents are standing on the far left behind the girl with the big white bow.

According to my parents, my grandfather's hair turned white a long time ago, perhaps in the 1930's - and no one recalls ever seeing him with dark hair. Maybe Far Side's expert foto-dating expertise can help us out - if these are my grandparents - I would guess they are about 20 and the year about 1930. If the foto date's is much earlier than that - than it couldn't be them.



Stuck to the back of the above photo, is a somewhat more modern foto. When I saw this, my eyes 'phelt' like they popped out! What they heck?!?


At first I wondered if there were any "little people" in my family, and if so, this would be a startling revelation indeed!

But looking more closely at the foto, the little people, seem to be, little as in youngsters as opposed to ...well, very short adults.

I scratched my head and pondered... and yes, Google is my friend... for I found that there used to be a fad where people had youngsters dress up for 'fake' weddings - called Tom Thumb Weddings. The inspiration for this silliness was this:

The Tom Thumb Wedding was inspired by the famous couple Charles Stratton and Lavinia Warren. They appeared at P. T. Barnum's, Barnum's American Museum in New York in the 1800's. Charles Stratton known as General Tom Thumb was deeply in love with Lavinia Warren. It was said they fell in love at first sight. On February 10, 1863 the couple married in New York's Grace Church. It was a Lavish affair.

...Everyone wanted to attend the ceremony. The only way you could get in to see the couple exchange their vows was to have an invite.

Shortly after, "The Greatest Little Wedding," people everywhere were putting on their own Miniature Weddings as plays. The Walter H. Baker & Co. of Boston put out a play 35 years later called, 'The Tom Thumb Wedding." It was published in 1898. Many churches and schools put on theses plays for the fun of it and also as fundraisers.

Source of Quote

When I mentioned "Tom Thumb Wedding," my mom gasped and recalled the setting for this foto. These children were members of my grandmother's church - as their Sunday School teacher, my grandmother was asked to stage a Tom Thumb Wedding as a fundraiser. My mom didn't remember how well that worked out or even when this took place (except "way back") - nor do either of us know any of these little ones in the foto that "suffered" through this bit of "tom-phoolery."

I hope you all have a nice weekend! My youngest nefew (The 300 Game Bowler) graduates from High School this weekend.

Life Goes On...

Yesterday, my dad called me "bright and early" (which is way too early) in the morning, and long before I normally wake up, so I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and groggily groaned a hello saying, "(lots of throat clearing) urmm... huh? yeahm?"

He blurts out without any introduction, "I called the guy, he can go today, want to come with me?"

I squeeze my eyes close and moan before replying, "What guy?"

"The Airplane Guy," is his not so-illuminating reply.

Slowly my brain shifts out of neutral as some blood starts to pump into the attic, and I become aware of my surroundings... Hmmm.. sometime during the night I traded ends on the sofa - no wonder I was so disoriented.

The Airplane Guy - Oh yeah... you see, way back in November of last year, the family got together and arranged for a "test drive" of an airplane he would like to buy and fly, but won't, as a Christmas gift. Now that's what you give a guy that has everything!

It's a lightweight sports model - apparently you only need a driver's license and a couple hours of training to fly one. The airplanes in this category are limited in size, how much they can carry, and how fast they can go.

So anyway, he's been waiting since Christmas for the day he got his ride - and yesterday was the big day.

So after I got out of sofa and showered, I called my Dad back and said, "I'm awake now, and yes, I'll come watch you take your flight. Are you sure the weather is okay?" My dad replies, "I didn't ask."

So I ended up calling "The Airplane Guy" (he has a real name - really!) and he said, "Hmmm.. the forecast looks good - why don't you come to the field this afternoon - say one o'clock?"


My dad and I pulled into the gate at the airfield at 1:00 PM sharp (I like being punctual) and at 1:01 PM sharp - it started to rain - and not just a light rain, a cats and dogs downpour.


So we decided to wait a little bit and see if the storm would blow off - and while we waited, we got a free tour of several nearby hangers and looked at (but did not touch) a bunch of shiny airplanes.

Eventually, the skies cleared - [begin sarcasm font]I was so glad I called[end sarcasm font].


...and my Dad folded himself up and into the seat...


...and off he went with "The Airplane Guy". They took off and flew right over my head before disappearing out of sight for nearly an hour.


...at long last they returned - and my dad's grin was from ear to ear.


So life goes on -

- and now I will find some time to write some "Thank You" notes - to mail to some incredibly thoughtful people. I look at these sympathy cards I received and then look at that picture of my dad with his thumbs up and that huge smile...

...and I know things are going to be okay.